Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I Screwed Up!

No, I'm still alive and I don't get into car accident.. However, still, the title said it all.. Today is my driving test, and I screwed everything up.. Its not like I made a freaking major mistake, and mind you, those 'x' marks on the slip are caused by a single incident.. Fuck me..  Overall, I managed to get 14/20.. Less two marks to pass.. I'm not blaming anybody here, its just that I felt like I deserve to get better mark than that.. Its not like I was driving like I was going to murder anybody..

In case you guys wonder what the effing mistake I had done, well, actually, I sped up at the traffic post.. Heres the thing, as I was driving, the traffic post was still green and I was like about 300 meters from the intersection.. And the moment the traffic post is just like 3 meters from my vehicle, the green light starts to fucking flicker.. For Gods sake, its not even New Year's Eve to start flickering lights.. And of course, the green light put me in deep dilemma on whether I should stop right where I was while the green light is still flickering or just sped and pass the intersection without getting caught by the yellow light.. The thing is, if I stopped, the traffic light would still be fluckering the green light and the vehicles behind me might just get pissed off or maybe just kiss my rear for the worst.. Or if I just sped up, I could save myself from those risks and leave with no problem.. However, I guess there was problems.. When I sped up, and turn right at the intersection, the car would turn in such harsh manner that I believed I could see the frightened face of my tester at the passenger seat.. Well, for that, I got 'x's for (a) bad steering control, (b) disobeying the traffic light instruction, (c) not braking to reduce the vehicle's speed, and obviously (d) driving dangerously.. Honestly, that moment, I really wished there would be earthquake or something so that I could retest.. Right after, I was supposed to change my lane to the left lane, so, being a good driver, I lighted up the left signal and move to the left lane.. What I don't notice is that, while I was moving to the next lane, my signal went off.. For me, its not my fucking problem and I dont deserve another 'x' on my pretty slip; for not using the signal when necessary.. Urrgghh.. I'm sick of all this..

Still, what I don't really understand is the last 'x' I had on my test slip; for not using the correct gear in accordance with speed.. What the hell?! As far as I can recall from my driving lessons, I had never been complaint for using the wrong gear with the wrong speed.. Hence, since the tester did not even put a comment under that particular 'x', I assume that he put it there just so that I would not get over frustrated when my total mark is just one mark below the pass mark.. And also, maybe so that I won't hate his whole guts which eventually, I do hate him.. I get it, its my own mistake, but seriously, the gear and the signal thing?! Its not like I did it on purpose.. Its not like I shut the signal light on my own.. That damn CAR did it.. And because of his stupid car, I get to pay for it.. Right, how fucking unfair crap pile of shit we're living in.. 

To get thing even worse, by the end of this month, my family and I are moving to Kuala Lumpur.. And yes, I need to go to another driving school there and start learning the route all over again.. Aside from the upcoming flow of cash for my driving lesson, I would need to memorize another route.. As I claimed in my previous post, I am not really a road whiz.. memorizing paths had always been my problem.. I guess another whole month for me before I get my driving license.. And what I am worrying about is that my test route in KL might be busier that here in Malacca.. I mean, its KL, everyone drives all the time...

I haven't told my mum yet bout this.. Maybe when she get home from work this evening.. However, I can already sense her freaking out on that news.. Maybe she would even make me pay the next lesson myself! God forbid.. Whatever it is, its still a long journey before I get my driving license.. And just for the record, I still haven't go to my second motorcycle lesson.. This whole thing had already stressing me out.. Hope my mum would come up with a better idea not involving me to go to another driving lesson...

Monday, February 21, 2011

drive mania

I think its obvious enough that my post this time is gonna be about my another driving experience.. Well, I just got back from my driving class and tell you what, this time, I made it.. I dont blew things up as often as I used to and believe me, this time, its forgivable.. For the first time, I could call myself an acceptable driver.. yay me!

Since its a good experience, so, of course, there's less stuffs to curse on - meaning that this post will not be that long..  However, I'm still novice at this driving stuffs (I guess, since I dont really have my license yet!) and I think its totally forgivable if I forgot to use the signal once or twice.. or maybe three times? And its also acceptable if I drive above the speed limit.. But, looking back, my real driving test are supposed to be the freaking day after tomorrow.. And honestly, I can say that I am still in huge trouble in passing the test... There's just lots of stuffs that I'm not really good at.. I screw things up sometimes and I'm crossing my fingers that it wont happen on my test day.. Thinking bout it had me nervous already.. God.. I really need to pass this test.. Its not like I really need to drive, but dude, every teenagers need to drive! Still, apart of being teenager things, maybe when I get my license I could drive to college or to the malls with my buddies.. However, yet, my mum already made an arrangement to have me to send and pick her from work.. Yeah, thats great.. I'm officially my mother's driver.. 

So, tomorrow would be my last driving license before I would be all good for the test.. The problem is, I'm still quite confused with the route.. Honestly, I'm not the road whiz kid type.. Even when its the same road, I never would recognise if I was on the other direction.. I have problem to memorize landmarks - the gas station, mall, school, whatever - because most of my brain is focussed on the road and the cars around me, leaving no space for me to watch the buildings or other structures across the white line.. Maybe Im a good driver but not in the map sense.. Whatever it is, i think its pretty obvious that I'm the gps kinda driver.. Just so you know, I never really actually fond of this driving shit and stuffs.. I'm more into public transport.. Save the environment, yep.. Lack of confidence in driving on my own, maybe yes.. So, again, I had considered taking this driving license so that  could technically be my mother's driver.. I'm not complaining here, she's my mother afterall.. Its just that I think I dont really like driving.. I know, I'm a dude, and cars should be my toys but still, maybe, its just not my time yet.. I dont know when it would be but 'm pretty sure that one day, (after all those pushing and annoying causes) I'll drive..

Lastly, guys, wish me my best for my upcoming test..  I need it.. bad.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Hold It Against Me - Britney Spears review!

I guess this is the first time ever I dont really like Brit's artwork.. I must admit, I am a huge fan of hers.. I adored her talent and her creativity in creating wonderful music videos (even though 3 had always been my least favourite of hers(after Radar), but it sure stands up better than this crap).. Before I go any further, yes, I do realise that I'm about to get a fucking raining shit on me, but I reckon, its my blog and I shouldn't give a damn.. If your eyes had already felt like checking my profile on the topmost of this page so that you could screw me some other time for making a hideous remark for Britney, I really suggest you to stop reading and please, close your browser.. I'm not risking anything here.. I mean, after all those teasers and everything, we were all getting very excited on whats next for her, but honestly, this is a major disappointment.. For me, I don't really see Britney in this music video, neither the song.. Its like as if this whole thing was not even meant for her.. I cant afford to see Brit's falling down, again..

So, to get to the point, I'm sorry if I dont get the whole point of this music video.. The story line is unclear and I can't get anything from this other than seeing some weird scenes taking places one after another.. Yea, I guess the whole music video is weird and awkward.. I understand the concept of all those state-of-the-art techies stuffs going on, but I really don't get the actual reason Brit is there and what does she have to do with anything! It looks like as if she had no idea at all on what she was supposed to do and resulting in everything looking super weird.. 

Hey, better make a wish!
Well, the music video started showing a fireball thing which is a meteor, I supposed, went straight down to our lovely home, Earth in 2011.. Well, it blasted off in some urban city without any explosion but setting the whole city nearby with colourful streaks of light.. Yep, the first weird thing.. However, its not weird enough when we know that that fireball thingy had Britney Spears in it and landed in a freaking studio with these gadgets stuffs. Then, the people around her are busy putting make-ups on her while the other are preparing the camera and all for the shooting.. Yep, Britney fell from the sky to shoot a music video in a middle of nowhere.. I know, funny, right?

So, here she comes, from planet somewhere shooting music video with a bunch colourful haired guys still struggling with their clothings.. Still, I must admit, those striking and cheerful briefs are quite cute.. I'm soo getting one of em.. back to the thing, continue dancing with the guys, promote her perfume, and then, start dancing again, promote some cosmetic product, put on the coloured powder things that girls put on their eyelids, and dance again, blah, blah, blah.. For this first 58 seconds, the whole thing looks like a major TV commercial break.. Its like she was some cheap ad girl who promote several products at once.. I dont know bout her, but this is totally not working for me for a good first impression..

Look! Its a freaking Disney princess in a weird overflown white gown.. Obviously, she could not look anymore awkward than she is at this moment.. Come on, just look at her dress and those TVs around her.. Maybe it looks pretty normal for you, but besides from the bad make-up (or maybe its not her make-up, who knows), the things get weirder when she started to rose with her dress.. With the weird finger gloves with pipes and those rising up thingy, let me tell you, she looks awfully like an idiot.. I dont know if it was supposed to look that way, but this is all too embarrassing to watch.. Literally embarrassing.. I always had respected Britney in all way, but this time, I afraid, I'll just have to turn her down.. She just looks fucking awkward!

Well, while she was still rising in her dress with some loony eyeless dudes moving all around her, after the weird closeup on the word Sony at the monitor, and after another closeup of PlentyOfFish, Brit, in a silvery long sleeved shirt are browsing through PlentyOfFish looking at a gay Canadian bloke.. Another effing weirdness, I know.. Seriously, I dont get her, but up to this point, I guess I get more commercials than Britney that I almost wonder if it is even a music video or some stupid TV ads.. Just so you know, apart from the awkward moment of the perfume and PlentyOfFish, nothing prepare me for the extreme closeup of Sony across my monitor adding to the already bizarre stuffs going on..

Now, could anybody please tell me how pretty Britney looks right now.. With the mics all around her, I am still in deep problem trying to figure out the real meaning behind it all.. Maybe its too abstract, or maybe its just nothing! After a shot of an eyeball with two pupil (which was supposed to add a freaky sensation to the music video, but I just found it to be goofy..), she got back to the first scene, moving around the stage with the same dudes minus perfume and cosmetic product with her most pathetic dance moves I had ever seen.. I mean, she's not dancing Britney-wise.. Its more to a drunk Lindsay Lohan.. Besides, the scenes are moving too fast taking turn with this microphones scenes like super rapid, as if several frames are erased.. I'm not blaming anyone, but I guess, the editing is quite bad..

Weee!! I'm squirting colours!!

Look at the first picture, that must be the worst smile Britney could ever pasted on her face or i would hate her to death.. I just wished that the smile wasn't there.. Its spoiling everything.. Good news, after several playbacks, I think I got the main idea of this music video, but I still can't quite figure out the actual meaning.. Well, i reckon, Britney in this white dress and everything is her old self while the fag-looking her with the mic were supposed to be the new her.. But what I still seem to be confused about is the reason she's shooting these coulourful paints all over the old her.. Btw, just before that shooting scenes is another scene of the eyeless freak which is just exasperatingly ugly.. Hate those aliens!

Go Britney Go! Wait, which one is Britney?!
Then, Britney seems to be beating the guts off another Britney.. Another scene which seems to be rather more pointless than any of those before.. Well, one Britney looks a lot like the new Britney while I'm not pretty sure bout the other one since the old Britney are particularly still squirting out the effing paints from her fingers leaving me quite unsure to put it that the new Britney is struggling to kill her old self.. So, leaving me still cracking up my brain wondering what the fuck is actually going on.. Trust me, right now, Brit looks fucking ugly... As a matter of fact, I know a drag queen who looks much less drag than she is at that moment.. 

Apart from the disappointment from the beginning, the music video become more acceptable in the end.. Maybe because there's no more ads weirdness, or maybe its her outfit, but her dance moves start look more like her.. Bad introduction (and climax), but a descent ending.. Just to wrap up everything, this video is actually kinda gay for me.. I mean, whats not gay with hunky dudes with brightly coloured briefs and all those paints stuffs.. But still, who cares, right? Putting aside all the confusions, Britney really needs to step up and make some move.. If she keep it this way, she might just end up being a pepsi can.. Overall, this music video is kinda sad to watch and Brit sure do deserve something more than this..

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Voyeur (eww!)

Well, actually, I hesitated a lot on posting this shit; its not really a pleasant thing to share with - believe me, its awful - but I reckon its an experience that not all of us would -God forbid- have.. Just to go straight to the point, the title said it all.. Yep, it happened.. at me..

It happened just few hours ago when my mother an I were on our way back to our lovely home from Kuala Lumpur.. My mum is not a really good night driver and the as the day started to get darker, she got all tense up and blaming me for still not having my car license ready so that I could take over her place (seriously? what was she thinkin?! Its not my fault the JPJ decided to put me on the test next week.. btw, I stll would need more time - a month at least - to get me familiar with roads and stuffs).. Hence, we stopped by at Seremban for some coffee..

There, I rushed to the toilet since I had been holding up my pee since we were back in KL and i thought that if I wait any more second my bladder would explode urine.. Skip the peeing part and while i was still in my toilet, I saw something that looked like a cigarette mark - brown stain with a little bit hint of yellow and black in the middle - on both side of the wooden wall of my toilet booth.. Curious, I bent over to the bigger mark on my right and realised that it was a freaking hole! a voyeur hole to be exact.. Lucky me there wasn't any dude on that side.. Still shocked, I check on the other 'cigar stain' on my left and found out that it was also a hole, just smaller.. And for the bonus part, I caught the view of an eye of a peeping tom at that particular hole.. Only God knows how shocked and my heart is pumping so hard I can feel my blood seeping out from the pores of my skin.. Quickly, I jumped to the tank side of the toilet and hide behind the hole where that bitch can't see me.. Then, I put a finger on that hole just to cover up his sight.. You can just imagine how shocked I was that I almost felt like poking his eye with a needle except that I only have my finger to at least cover that hole.. After few seconds, I heard that dude moved out from his booth.. Just before I had the chance to sigh, I heard him locking the door of the toilet booth on my right which happen to be the one with a larger hole between us.. This time, I really hoped that I would just evaporate and go somewhere else away from this scary bitch.. 

So, not giving him the chance to erotically take advantage on me, I quickly unlocked the door and walked (you know I can't run in a toilet.. I'm not risking any scar for that loony..) as fast as I could to the exit.. It felt like hours moving through the public restroom searching for the exit.. As soon as I was out from that hell, still panting, I joined my mum at the coffee shop.. Of course, my mum asked why I was panting as if I had just completed a full track sprint, but I really don't feel like telling her that story.. Afterward, I was traumatised for a couple of hours before regaining all my senses back.. 

Like I've told you before, its really an unpleasant experience.. Next time, public restroom, if you got a hole, I'm soo not getting into you.. oh, just in case, cigar stains.. And for that peeping tom, fuck you.. Go get a life.. If you really enjoy seeing someone else's willy, let me show you how your penis would look like without balls.. Just try me..

Tuesday, February 15, 2011


Actual snapshot from my Tumblr..
Well, just to be honest, I actually, have nothing in my mind to write about for this post.. Its just that I felt like its been long since my last post and the guilt of not updating this is consuming me..  Please, don't blame me, actually, I was just introduced too this new (for me) social site, Tumblr, by my friend, Adrian, and blimmey, its that distracting.. For those who never knew what Tumblr is, let me make it easy for you.. Well, actually, its a lot like twitter with a hint of blog and photobucket.. Its a site where people could blog and put almost anything on the web.. However, still, I don't really recommend this site if you're one goddess of blog since well, actually, you can blog on Tumblr, but I have a good feeling (based on my observation, of course) that most of the users don't really write stuffs for more than one paragraph like what we do in Blogger.. So, its more to twitter-wise without the 140 characters and media (pics and vids) posts that does not require you to be directed to another site.. However, let me just stress it out here that Tumblr does not actually works like Twitter.. Tumblrs dont post "Just picked up my son from school" or "dreaming about getting laid tonight".. Just so you know, in term of the length of your post, you're getting it just fine.. But, actually, other tumblrs don't really give a shit on what you're doing with your son or whether you'll get fucked or not.. Its more to sharing interests with people globally by following others and be followed (yea, i know, just like Twitter).. Hence, the thing is, Twitter and Tumblr are actually incomparable.. Each have their own style and agenda of usage.. For an instant, you'll never get to know artists gossip straight from the pot if you're on Tumblr.. And, you'll also will never get to see what people of the same interest as you are, are sharing stuffs.. They're both unique in their own way..

Looks like I already got a topic to spit out on; Tumblr.. So, I just got into this Tumblr thing and still gathering followers across the countries who are also True Blood die hard fan(g)s.. I'm not giving away my Tumblr here, but if you wish to get connected with me through it, just contact me; leave a comment or anything.. I'll try to get in touch.. Back to the topic, Tumblr for me, is quite entertaining in term of trying to collect more and more followers as you share more pics and thoughts.. Its quite fun to share with other people of the same interest on stuffs that only you can understand.. I mean, have you ever been desperate enough to tell your friends about the TV series you saw last night just to turn out that they actually have no idea on the craps you're giving out because they don't watch that TV show.. But on Tumblr, that wont happen.. As you all know, I am a huge fan of True Blood.. However, sad enough, all of the other friends of mine at high school does not watch the show.. So, it ends up me, trying to impress them by talking tits and bits of what I've seen on that show knowing that they dont actually listen to what I was delivering.. Pathetic. but you know better how it felt when being excited on something having no one to share it with..

So, it occurs to me to be one of the tumblrs who share True Blood stuffs with the other fellow followers; from still pictures, animated pictures, videos, quotes, links, and even thoughtful comments.. Well, sometimes, we also share jokes to crack on and new updates on the latest events.. Its very interesting but not (yet) contagious enough to leave me glued to the page all day long.. 

However, I still could not agree on the usage of the term blog for the posts in Tumblr.. I have no idea why should a post consisting of one letter be called a blog.. Its more like an extra super-duper ultra short blog.. As far as I'm concern, blogs are supposed to be stuffs that you post on the net with a complete sentence to let out your thoughts or opinions.. It just doesnt feel right to post a single picture and call it a blog.. Whatever it is, I have no right to condemn anything about that and lets just leave it to those who own it.. No more complaints.. I guess I'll have to end it here..  Adieu! 

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Love Story

First thing first, if you are already in the Tailor Swift mood, get out of it.. This is not even close.. However its still on love story.. My love story, to be precise.. Well, I never had actually share this shit to anybody else (of course we can make a few exceptions for some of my gossip mates, right?) but I guess theres nothing more to hide since high school is long over and I am practically going for adulthood.. So, why bother to keep teen stuffs.. Honestly, I never really celebrate this Valentines thing since I am a never-gonna-fall-for-it huge fan of the fantasy of love.. Yep, fantasy of love.. I respect the lovehood, but I never really appreciate the fantasy of love.. 

I dont actually remember this story to the whole thing (I have no reason to actually keep this on my mind) but I think I still can recall some few bites to be shared here... Just to get it straight, if the lady I mentioned here in this story happen to be reading this, maybe she needs to know that I have no intention of cyber bullying her.. This is the truth and the only ugly truth.. Im not gonna mention her name here but just in case she got something to argue, just put it in the comment section of this post or just keep it.. As i said before, Im not going to mention her name here, so, lets just put it Scarlett (to Adrian, she USED to be my Scarlett too.. Im not copying you, if thats what you're thinking right now).. 

Scarlett and I had been such a good friend from we're still in our first year at high school.. She was in the same class with me and we're like besties.. However, this 'love' story started when we're in form three during the evening prep.. I cant remember how it actually happened but somehow, at that particular moment, I found out that Scarlett was dating my best friend.. Honestly, at that time, I was soo not furious since I had never expected myself to be in a relationship with her but I am in total shock.. I know her very well that I am shocked to hear that she's dating my best friend.. Im not saying that she does not deserve any guy to be with but I was literally shocked when I heard how they actually became a couple.. They're in a bus on their way back home when my best friend asked her to become her special girlfriend and then 'presto!' they're a loving couple.. Its fast and simple and the only reason why it shocked me.. Eventhough I knew it just after a week (maybe?) they started to be the supposedly couple, that same evening, she told me that she loves me for like 3-4 times.. Then, she asked me if I felt the same for her (i know, its so unromantic for a lady to be the first to confess it, but seriously, as i said before, i have never had the intention to have any other relationship with her other than friends..).. She also told me that there's actually nothing going on between my bestfriend and her..Well, I can't really reject her since she was a beauty bitch and I might probably looks a lot more gayer than I already am if i do so.. So, I just told her that I felt the same for her.. Warning, I didn't say that I loved her at that time.. I just said 'I felt the same for you'.. Thats it.. period.

So, I went back to my room and start to figure it all out.. The reason why she said she loved me when she was just starting her relationship with a new dude.. And that new dude a.k.a. my best friend also happen to be my room mate.. So, I decided not to tell him anything bout what happened.. After the whole evening wondering everything about the incident, I thought that we're best friends for almost three years and MAYBE I do love her.. So, I decided that I love her.. However, later that night she sent me a note telling that she actually is in a relationship with Fabian (Im already tired of using the word 'my roommate', 'my bestfriend' or anything else all the time when I have to mention this particular bloke) and we can't really dating since shes already seeing someone else (that would made her more bitchier than she already was).. So, that night I was like a bit devastated to be dumped just right after I had decided to love her..

Well, for the sake that I wont create a fictional storyline here, I have to skip the part when how we actually dating because I can't remember it.. Hey, if Scarlett does, maybe she could just comment on this post just to let me know.. So, after some of the lost scenes, we officially became a 'loving' couple.. However, I cant recall for how long, but while Scarlett and me were in the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, Fabian still wont let Scarlett go... It took quite a long while to convince Fabian that Scarlett was already mine..  I might sound a bit like a bitch, stealing my best friend's girl but I dont really felt like its a wrong deed since Scarlett told me that she actually didn't love Fabian at all.. Just so you know, while we're in the middle of this stuffs, Fabian and me we're still bestfriends.. We still hang out together, chatting and gossiping bout everything but still, we had stopped mentioning Scarlett in our conversation.. Sounds cool right? Whats the point of ending a relationship for a bitch..Lucky we didn't..

Most of the times, we would call or text each other non-stop like what all the lovers should behave like.. Both of us are a huge fan of Justin Timberlake.. So, of course, still like what normal couple do, we have our theme song.. Maybe sorts of the wedding song like, but since we're not getting married, its the couple song.. Its Until The End Of Time by Justin Timberlake.. That song is about lovers who can't get out of each other and blah blah blah love stuffs.. 
"If your love was all I have, in this life,
That would be enough, until the end of time,
So rest your weary heart, and relax your mind,
Cause I'm gonna love you girl, until the end of time"

Sounds fucking romantic right? yep, that fucking romantic.. So, we continued our relationship for the whole year until we're both in our form 4.. Well, there's this one time, she got me a present.. Its a keychain with my name on it.. Yea, you're right, thats soo totally idiotically unromantic.. A keychain? Come on.. Whatever it is, I thought I still need to repay her by giving her something she could keep.. Actually, as far as I can recall I never actually had bought her anything  except the bracelet and Anna Sui coin purse that I bought in Hong Kong.. And thats all I had ever bought for her (still, its better than a keychain, right?).. Oh, before I forgot, she also had started to dress a little bit more daring than how she used to.. When I first met her, she could be the most demure and feminine woman I had ever known.. But when we're in our form 4. or maybe late form 3, i cant recall, she started to dress up daringly than how she used to.. I dont know if maybe she had suddenly grow bigger but her shirts seems to shrink a few sizes.. More embarrassingly, most of the other blokes are always staring at her when she walk in.. Dont ask me what these dudes are looking at, you know it..

However, after some times we're not like how we used to be anymore; she sometimes avoided me and refused to talk to me.. And then some of her other loony friends started to attack me on stuffs that I dont understand and everything I never give a shit about.. Finally, I found out that she was seeing someone else.. Well, its a good thing that she didn't act whory to double date me.. But, still, it hurts a lot.. You know how some people always say how sucks love is, and this, feels no difference.. Its quite devastating to be dumped for someone else.. What I hate most is how it made me felt like such a pathetic looser.. I know, life goes on... And thats how Im going on - without her.. Then, after I moved to TGB, sometimes, she would ask for my forgiveness and keep denying the fact that she had cheated me.. Honestly, I had never fell for that.. Maybe it was stupid that I fall for her for the first time, but I'm not stupid enough to fall again.. Its one thing to make a mistake and another thing to keep repeating it.. I have no idea what had gotten into her that she tried to get me back while she was still dating that guy.. You know what she used to told me as an excuse, she claimed that (a) she never actually dumped me, (b) she's just letting me go earlier because she knew that I was moving to TGB so that it wont hurt that much when it happen, (c) it was all a mistake and (d) she never cheated on me.. And of course, I knew that was a pure pathetic lie.. Maybe she wanted to have several boyfriends in a time just to see how it would feels like being a bitch (well, shes unaware the fact that she already is a bitch.. How funny is that? lol) and put me as one of her victim.. Figure out; its not working.. As a matter of fact, she sent me a message on facebook earlier this year still seeking for forgiveness.. However, it ended up a huge facebook fight..

So, I did moved on - while still hating the whole guts of her - as if she never existed in my life.. Maybe I deserve that and maybe I dont.. Who cares, its boring.. Now you know, the story about my dead ex-girlfriend.. 


Thursday, February 10, 2011

Book Review: Handle With Care - Jodi Picoult

Jodi Picoult - Handle With Care
My rating:

"Things that break - be they bones, hearts, or promises - can be put back together but will never really be whole."

In need of serious read? This book will comfortably suit you.. This book could probably be the most heart-wrenching novel I ever had.. I never read the other Jodi's piece of art, but this book had made me crave for more of her.. For now, this is the best book I had ever read.. And thats why it deserves that 5 hearts.. It worths that much... Honestly, I  never had cried reading a book, but however, this book weeped me.. In fact, I am still weeping while posting this.. Just the thought of the story line is enough to make me feel it again.. This is a great proof of how a gifted Jodi is as a writer.. Its as if a bridge had been build from the characters in the novel straight to my heart; all the emotional tense and heart breaking moments faced by the characters are delivered with honesty and bravery straight to the core of my heart.. This gripping novel is basically on the dilemma some people had to face in their life, except that this is not the type we encounter everyday.. Just so you know, there's nothing not to love about this book..

This book had made me see things in a whole new way (again).. I used to look at some unfortunate people with the mere feeling of sympathy.. But somehow, after reading this, each time I look at people who had to live up their life in such a way that is harder than my life (people with serious financial problem, people who had no parents, people (one of my neighbour, eventually) who had to go work early in the morning and only come back home at night only on bike and the disabled people who had to mingle with ordinary people), i don't only feel sorry for them, sometimes, I hate myself that I can't do anything to help them.. And I feel how unfair the world is.. It always make me wonder why does that happen to them? why not me? and if its me, how would I cope?? It always made my heart broken seeing these unfortunate folks.. I know, its empathy, except that I always felt like I want to give them a hug telling them that everything would be alright.. Above all that, every day, I would be thankful to God to give me such an opportunity to live with lunch and dinner served everyday - the gratification that some people can't even say.. Actually, I also had decided that when I'm a real adult, maybe few more years ahead, when I have a real job, I would do as much charity as I can.. Maybe I could take part in marathon for people in needs and since my blood type is O (I have no idea whether its positive or negative but I'm pretty sure I'm an O since my parents are both O.. Unless, Im adopted which only God knows how it feels like knowing that you're adopted when you are already reaching 20s), I would also might consider on blood donation.. I guess, by doing all that, at least, I had done a bit (if at all) to make the world a better place for everyone..

On the surface, this book is mainly focusing on the bitter sweet life of a family with one disabled member.. Willow O'Keefe, a six year old daughter of Charlotte and Sean O'Keefe is diagnosed with Osteogenesis Imperfecta Type III.. A disease in which the patient would have soft and brittle bones.. With this uncurable disease, Willow had seven broken bones as a fetus added with another four when she was delivered, making a total sum of broken bones on her first breath 11.. While her step sister, Amelia O'Keefe is an ordinary teenager who could skate, swim, and run with her friends, Willow had to take every step with much care.. She had even once broken her bones while sneezing, let alone other causes.. During her first six years as an OI patient, she had the total of 75 bones that she had broken (some of the bone had broken more than once) besides the braces (not the tooth braces, but the one the doctors put on her legs, arms or other part for months so that her bone could recover) and other medical equipment that she had to face one after another..  Willow adore her sister as much as her sister loves her... Willow had always wanted to skate on the ice rink and have friends like Amelia.. However, she realises that  having OI means that she can't lead a normal life, let alone normal fun.. However, as time pass by, Willow's medical treatment expenses are increasing along with her broken bones.. Life was hard enough for each member of the family with such little income.. Charlotte had to stop making money from baking to take care of Willow, leaving Sean the only breadwinner of the family as the NYPD lieutenant..

After the disastrous trip to DisneyWorld where (no surprise) Willow broke her femur when she tripped, a lawyer had advised Charlotte and Sean to file a lawsuit on wrongful birth to help them with their medical expenses.. We might always heard people suing each other of wrongful death, but wrongful birth gives another complete opposite meaning.. This lawsuit suggests the negligibility of Charlotte's obstetrician for not mentioning the little flaw on her eighteenth week scan which could be a sign of OI so that Charlotte could undergo abortion; meaning that Willow should not exist! Sounds painful, but that is the only way Charlotte could have a better life for her daughter.. The life that her daughter could only dream of.. maybe not in the ordinary way, but a new wheelchair and everything could help ease up her life.. Sounds pretty easy, but of course, every action has its consequences, and for this one, the obstetrician she was about to sue was her best and only friend, Dr. Piper Reece.. You might think, so  what, just sue, her daughter life is more important than her best friend's, but the complication here is that since this lawsuit is beyond the ordinary, she might have to tell the world that she wishes her daughter was never born.. To get things harder, not only she have to lie to the world, her daughter, having an OI meaning that she is brighter than the ordinary kids of her age (she knew more facts than most of us ever heard of.. And I could still remember one fact hat she gave; a single cow is used to make 400 McDonald's Quarter Pounder!).. Meaning that, she could understand what her mother wishes for..  The going gets tougher when Sean decided to go against her and act as the defendant in the case along with Piper.. Not only that, as the case is being discussed, theres this one particular point when Charlotte start to wonder if she was really lying.. Or is it her heart talking without even her noticing.. Meanwhile, Willow starts to feel like her own mother does not love her anymore while Amelia had some sort of emotional problem which lead to bulimia and cutting her own wrists.. Its a very complicated story yet heart breaking as the plot moves on.. It makes you want to keep reading refusing to know how it would end..

Things get more crazy when Sean decided to file a divorce with Charlotte in the middle of the case.. Amelia had some sort of problem when she realised that she can't help her sister and hating herself for that.. The only reason she keep vomiting and cutting her wrists and thighs.. The story is narrated by using you (not you, 'you') for Willow.. This somehow make us suspicious enough on what actually happen to Willow.. It makes you feels like you're reading a letter sent to Willow.. Some might guess that Willow must be dead in the end because the usage of 'you' and some might think that the writer did it on purpose so that we would think that Willow is dead for the fact that she lives a happy life in the end.. Since you're reading a spoiler, I guess it wont hurt a bit to tell you that Willow actually died in the end.. And that actually made me cry.. After all those struggle to keep her together, she end up dead.. period.. As for the lawsuit, the court's favor went to the plaintiff.. However, in the end, Charlotte and Sean did not actually get divorced and they live a happy life with their daughters.. The check Charlotte won - the 8 million check - was not used and kept safely at their home.. Still, Willow managed to get new stuffs including a sport wheelchair so that she could play dodgeball with her friends at school without even cashing the check.. I guess they could spend more than they used to since they had the back-up.. Willow was dead at last in the most tragic way I could have ever imagined.. In the end, alone, Willow went to the frozen pond in front of their home to skate.. She tried to get to the center of the pond when suddenly she realised that the ice is still not that hard.. Sadly, the ice broke and she was drown in the pond, not knowing how to swim without a life-jacket and ice covering the surface of the water.. I am literally weeping right now.. The last word Willow had; "I knew for sure: that a scallop has 35 eyes, That a tuna would suffocate if it ever stop swimming, That I was loved, That this time, it was not me who broke.." Oh my God.. That is soo heart wrenching.. Honestly, just  to type in that short quotes took a long time.. I cant type it not pressing on my chest or my heart might stop beating out of sadness.. Oh, and the 8 million check is buried together with Willow.. Lets just pray so that nobody would dig up her grave for the check..

I know it had been a long post but I can't help but to include Jodi's writing style in this book.. I never actually  read the other Jodi's novel (I sure will have Jodi books top of my list after this) but this book had her own way of writing.. This book has only four chapters overall.. However, each chapter is narrated by various characters - Charlotte, Amelia, Sean, Piper, Marin - taking turns to tell the story from their own perspectives.. So, it makes the reader be able to see the story as a whole and not only from one person side.. You'll know the feelings of each character in the novel.. However, each character has their own style of narration.. You can distinguish one character's naration with the other even without reading their name on the top of the page.. Through the pages, the character Willow is narrated by the characters (except Willow herself, of course) as 'you'.. This is to create the feeling of suspicion amongst the reader on what exactly had happened to Willow giving that she is not one of the main narrator in the chapters (she had only one part in the end).. Besides that, I had also noticed the way Jodi end most of her characters part in the narration... Most of the time, at the end of the part where a particular character narrate his/her point of view, she would end the last paragraph with short dialogs or simple sentence which had one thousand and one significant meaning.. Its hard to describe it here, you just have to read it to understand it.. Other than that, Jodi is also the goddess of metaphors.. There are thousands of metaphors in the story line and some of them even had the reader to stop reading, and think for a while to get the real meaning.. The deep and heartful meaning.. Along with the story line, Jodi had also included several bakery recipes that has something to do with the storyline in term of the meaning of the techniques used by chef definition and real life definition.. Besides that, there are some parts in the story where Jodi used difficult medical terms that we might be convinced that the author must had been a doctor and then theres other part where Jodi used more difficult court terms which made us thought that she might have used to be a lawyer too! This shows us that Jodi had done a very deep and thorough research before writing this masterpiece.. Which means, Jodi had really put herself inside out to accomplish this.. So, why not give her some chance for her hardwork..

Last but never the least, of course, I would recommend this book to anyone who might want to challenge their view on medical ethics, abortion, disability, and parenthood.. Believe me, this book will be a rolllercoaster.. Thrilling but yet never ending sensation.. Handle With Care has it all.. Besides being a serious read, it also has it sense of humour, cynicism, romance, and most of all, the moral lessons not to get elsewhere but here.. This book touched my heart.. And please, make yourself believe that it will touch yours..

Monday, February 7, 2011

Bad Hair Day..

First of all, let me credit (so that I wont get arrested or whatsoever depicting the law on copyright infringement.. Honestly, i would never do so and had never intended to..) the comics i've used on this post including the last post and also the upcoming posts to Natalie Dee.. I love her artwork and the sense of humour she delivered.. 

Okay, the thing is, I just get back from my driving class.. I always love driving compared to riding a motorbike.. The reason could be that I do better in my driving lesson compared to the motorbike lesson.. Seriously.. When it comes to my motorbike class (which I had been avoid to mention since the first class and refused to go to the second even though my mum had been stressing me out forcing me to go to the class), I had always been the lamest and idiot to ride it.. I  can't even get that damn thing started.. Go ahead, laugh, I wont mind and I dont care.. I reckon the reason that i suck at motorbike is because I am a copy of my mum.. While my lil sis a complete photocopy of  my father (if we put the gender part aside), I was like my mum's twin brother.. We always share the same interests and most of our traits are completely identical (except the part when she start babbling in her attempt to make me clean my room (well, I'm a teenage boy, don't blame me if I have my clothes or undies on the floor.. It's natural, right? The whole hormone thing and all..))..  My mum, she had always been the motorbike freak.. When i was like eleven to twelve, when my peer cousins had started to ride bikes by themselves, my mum had never let me learn to ride them.. She claimed it to be dangerous and everything for the fact that she was and will always be afraid of motorbike.. I guess, I get it from her then - the insecurity feelings when I'm on it.. Ironically, right now, she was the one who keep forcing me to go to that stupid class.. but still, i wont..

The motorbike thing has nothing to do with what I had been experiencing today.. Even though its still morning (well, we still have around 20 minutes till noon), I am pretty sure that today was my bad hair day.. Everything I did seems to be out of place, and ridiculously stupid.. Nothing seems to be working quite well and let alone being idiotic.. I never read my horoscope because I don't really believe all those stuffs (i mean, seriously, how could stars determine whats happening in your life.. If it is real, I guess each day, there would be only 12 things going to happen in the entire globe  since people would be divided into their twelve respective zodiacs).. but, i guess if its real, the Scorpio part of todays horoscope column in the newspaper would read, 'You'll have the worst day of your life today.. You'll might want to consider suicide since you'll suffer till the end of the day.. In case you do, please feel free to take any shards of glass or razor knife to cut your wrist.. It wont make any difference anyway'.. Nothing had really happened actually, except my shitty driving today, but I know, its going to be a very long day.. I just hope I wont die today.. :(

Talking bout my driving, I guess you folks deserve to know what had actually happened.. Today driving class was supposed to start at 10 am.. However, the guy who were supposed to pick me up from my home was a bit late like usual.. typical of him.. When we arrived at the driving school, he parked the car and asked me to drive along the road which is supposed to be the test route when the day comes.. This is my second time doing this, so, I was quite confident at first.. I always suck at getting out of the parking lot, so, that didn't spoil my mood yet.. When we started to drive on the road, I don't know why, (maybe the horoscope thing, i guess) I was driving as if I'm trying to commit suicide.. And of course, that guy who were supposed to teach me to drive went extra grumpy today.. He was shouting at every corner and intersections annoying me to the limit where i almost punched his teeth out.. And that was very frustrating.. All my confidence are gone as if they had flew out of the car window freaked out by all those yells..  Hence, I continue my drive feeling grumpy as well ( I wonder if grumpiness actually contagious; being besides him making me feels grumpy too..) and took on most corners and u-turns as dangerous as i can get... There's this one time when I turned left on a junction and the car turns like those drift scenes you saw on the movies.. You know, the screeching sound and all the stupid files in the car moved to the other side of the car.. I thought it was awesome and the adrenaline rush makes me feel adventurous, but my driving teacher seemed to be extra unhappy bout that.. Right after, he asked me to drive straight home..

I dont know if there's really actually a day when things doesnt work out the way it was supposed to be because I can't recall having one before.. But today, is definitely the day.. It's till early, but i have a good feelings that things would get worse.. Im crossing my finger that I wont have to face any death today, because that could probably be the worst thing ever could happen in my life.. God, please, show me some mercy..

Saturday, February 5, 2011

What the (beeeeeb)!!

Straight to the point, how many of you does not have any single idea that f*ck is fuck.. or maybe, sh*t is shit or b**ch is bitch.. cant read my lips? dont understand? tell me that, and guess what made you; a big badass liar.. For heaven sake, I am quite clueless on the usage of these asterisks on this beautiful words..  I mean, come on, do you guys seriously think that with all these asterisks those dirty words would loose all its obscenity and voted to be consider as mild language? You know the answer.. You can hide some of the letters so that the reader could play hangman while surfing the net hoping that they wont figure out the exact word and saving the real meaning for yourself.. however, you knew the damn truth that your readers are a remarkable hangman fans.. you knew well that you actually can't hide the word by only hiding several letters in the words.. So, it leaves you either to express your strong language verbally, or just simply keep it to yourself since your attempts to hide the words are obviously pointless.. Okay, maybe some of you would think that those asterisks could make a strong word seem mild enough to be accepted in public.. Tell you what, a bitch is a bitch and a whore is a whore.. I cant find the reason why would a b**ch appear to be more polite than bitch.. Frankly speaking, its ridiculous.. how could you think two words (in this case, we consider it as two since the spelling is quite different.. Wait, can word without complete spelling even be considered as a word?) of the same meaning can be different in term of morality or acceptance in public.. However, when you wrote these word with the asterisks, it will still be pronounced as the original spelling.. Find me anyone who can actually pronounce f*ck as a word and you'll have all my respect.. So, whats the real point of censoring the word when it will still be read and said out loud the same way it is uncensored.. My opinion, if its situationally inappropriate to say fuck or shit, its just as situationally inappropriate to say f*ck or sh*t.. Can't agree? Guess you just have to face it. Suck it. Deep..

Euphemism.. Im a great fan of euphemism.. Its cool when you can say harsh stuffs in such delicate manner.. What im trying to convey here is a close cousin of the asterisks-bonded strong words mentioned before.. If fuck is f*ck, then fuck is also eff.. Sounds cute but I guess the whole idea of creating a whole new word for the original offensive one is just the same as the usage of bleeps to cover the letters; to make obscene words mild and can i say, unoffensive.. Well, im not saying that this is also ridiculous, its good to enrich our international language with modern and new words so that our future generation could talk a whole new language as what had happened to us compared to the old English.. However, some people uses these cute words hoping that they could disguise their dirty words in a fancy new look.. For those who think that this is less offensive, there's nothing i can say much here, because I also had the tendency to believe that words such as biotch, eff, goddang, is way less offensive than the original bitch, fuck and goddamn.. Especially, the latter.. Perhaps these words are meant to be the less offensive version of the original words..